AmosL
05-12-2008, 09:23 PM
Downs, Alan. “The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man’s World”, Da Capo Press, 2006.
Generalizing Differences
Amos Lassen
Alan Downs has written a book for everyone—not just gay people. He leads us on a journey involving cultural values and human flaws as well as perfection so that we can find authentic human hope. I know this sounds like a mouthful but in reading “The Velvet Rage”, it all fits together.
Downs maintains that that the kind of behavior that we as gay people see as what is called normal (I hate that word) is a way of reacting to and dealing with the feeling that has been forced upon us by others—that of being second class citizens. Some of the issues that gays have had to deal with include body image, ideas of perfection, being judgmental, the use of gossip, secretiveness and quick to blame and to shift the blame. Downs explains where these feelings come from and how they can be changed. We get a composite picture of what an emotionally healthy gay person is like and we get a map that teaches us how to reach that point.
“The Velvet Rage” deals with subjects in a way that many of us have never seen before and issues that are unique to gay men are looked at in detail. I found aspects of my own personality in the book and explanations to why I behave a certain way.
The thesis is, in my opinion, is the subtitle of the book, “overcoming the pain of growing up gay in a straight man’s world”. We bear the shame of feeling different and we feel excluded, even in today’s liberated society. When I compare that to even ten years ago, we can see that we have come a very long way but some of those feelings will always be present. We usually spend a great deal of time striving to reach a stage of authenticity that many of us never reach.
The book also speaks directly to the effects that homophobia has on our psychological development. The fact that present culture has validated self-hatred, over-compensation and high and dangerous behavior in the gay community has resulted in these feelings.
As Downs takes on issues like toxic shame in the psyche of gay men, he shows that the “derailment” of self comes from our being invalidated in early years and what results is the murder of the very being—the soul. It is too soon for me to tell what the effect of reading this book will be but I do feel sure that I will be able to hold my head a bit higher. I have never denied my sexual identity but I am sure that I, like so many others have never felt completely at home. Neither am I in the closet. I am on a university faculty where I am “way” out but there are still those moments of discomfort as all of us have.
Generalizing Differences
Amos Lassen
Alan Downs has written a book for everyone—not just gay people. He leads us on a journey involving cultural values and human flaws as well as perfection so that we can find authentic human hope. I know this sounds like a mouthful but in reading “The Velvet Rage”, it all fits together.
Downs maintains that that the kind of behavior that we as gay people see as what is called normal (I hate that word) is a way of reacting to and dealing with the feeling that has been forced upon us by others—that of being second class citizens. Some of the issues that gays have had to deal with include body image, ideas of perfection, being judgmental, the use of gossip, secretiveness and quick to blame and to shift the blame. Downs explains where these feelings come from and how they can be changed. We get a composite picture of what an emotionally healthy gay person is like and we get a map that teaches us how to reach that point.
“The Velvet Rage” deals with subjects in a way that many of us have never seen before and issues that are unique to gay men are looked at in detail. I found aspects of my own personality in the book and explanations to why I behave a certain way.
The thesis is, in my opinion, is the subtitle of the book, “overcoming the pain of growing up gay in a straight man’s world”. We bear the shame of feeling different and we feel excluded, even in today’s liberated society. When I compare that to even ten years ago, we can see that we have come a very long way but some of those feelings will always be present. We usually spend a great deal of time striving to reach a stage of authenticity that many of us never reach.
The book also speaks directly to the effects that homophobia has on our psychological development. The fact that present culture has validated self-hatred, over-compensation and high and dangerous behavior in the gay community has resulted in these feelings.
As Downs takes on issues like toxic shame in the psyche of gay men, he shows that the “derailment” of self comes from our being invalidated in early years and what results is the murder of the very being—the soul. It is too soon for me to tell what the effect of reading this book will be but I do feel sure that I will be able to hold my head a bit higher. I have never denied my sexual identity but I am sure that I, like so many others have never felt completely at home. Neither am I in the closet. I am on a university faculty where I am “way” out but there are still those moments of discomfort as all of us have.